A FULL CIRCLE MOMENT
Dear Diary,
Back in 2022, I was working as a cleaner and trying to start a music career. I got hired to perform at two beautiful places in Munich: Café Gans am Wasser and Gans Woanders. It was gonna be my first solo performances, but that was around the time that C-PTSD took over completely and I wasn't able to practice, go out, work, anything. I had to focus only on healing for 3 years before trying to perform again…
Now back to the present. Last Saturday I had an open mic performance scheduled at Gans am Wasser. It felt like a full circle moment and I gotta be honest: I wasn't nervous at all! Practicing went easily and my body was relaxed. Finally going there already felt like a huge breakthrough to me, so I was flying high,- until I got triggered by something completely unrelated 2 hours before the show. I looked at Pat in desperation and said “OMG I don't think I can do this”. Depression set in and I could barely get out of bed.
Pat was so supportive as always and with baby steps we made our way into the venue. When I arrived there I said “I'm not sure I can perform today”. I signed up. I was the last one because I arrived late. That's okay. The venue gave us free food and drinks, and we enjoyed the music. By the time it was my turn, 2 hours later, I was feeling at ease again.
Only people who know me really well know what a huge moment it was for me to be able to PERFORM even though my nervous system wasn't even fully back to normal yet. I performed How Can I Trust?, How DARE You?, Stop Breaking My Heart!, Hold on and GOLD. It was my longest performance since my break and I had a blast, I really can't wait to be back soon!
You can watch the full performance - and see my evolution on stage - for just €5 a month by subscribing to the ‘I LOVE FEL’ Club!
Love, Fel 💜