felsongwriter

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

Dear Diary, 

As I sit on my studio desk and write, I realize how far I've come this year.
Back in February, I was still too afraid to perform and leave the house, but with the help of my friends, I made it to my first open mic in 3 years. I remember my whole body shaking and leaving the stage feeling disappointed because I didn't quite hit the notes. 

I spent this year learning to accept my flaws and “do the thing” anyway. We all gotta start somewhere, right? Changing my mindset has…

TIKTOK BANNED

Dear Diary, 

 I woke up one day in September to find my TikTok and my 1500 followers gone. No explanation, no email, nothing. 💜

I'm restarting from scratch so you can follow me here:
FOLLOW ME ON TIKTOK

Also, if you're free (and managed to escape the recent wave of Wiesn-Induced-Covid), join me tonight for a fun event at Soundcafe starting at 8pm!

ADD TO CALENDAR
 
And for those of you who are too far or can't make it: I got you!
I'll be posting all performances on my fan club, as always!

You can watch…

TIMES ARE CHANGING

Dear Diary, 

 I was quite depressed after the first gig with my band got cancelled due to the rain. On top of that, two members are leaving the band to focus on their own musical projects. Thomas Roiss (rhythm guitarrist) and Alex (drummer) will be missed! 💜

 August was a month of introspection for me. After weeks of feeling down, I found that affirmations and meditation started to work again after years of having difficulty with it (because of C-PTSD). This is huge! With a calmer mind…

BAND'S FIRST GIG

Dear Diary, 

OMG!! This is not a drill! Ok Fel, act normal.

2025 has been 100% insane, hasn't it?
Good and bad, sure, but definitely insane.
Throughout all of the ups and downs, music has been the best anti-depressant. It's given me me confidence to be myself, speak my truth, and accept my lows. It brought me wonderful people who joined me on my mission to give you hope when things are dark. People who also accept me as I am, and give me the support I need when I feel low. Thomas Roiss on the…

IT'S BEEN A WHILE

Dear Diary, 

I took a break from social media for a while to focus on facing my fears of leaving the house again, and I've made a lot of progress! Last week, I went to 2 open mics, and performed for the first time with my band mates. Oh, by the way, I got a new band member! His name is Thomas Roiss and he's an awesome guitarist/person.

So, the open mics: I had so much fun! Performing again after a break of 2 months was a bit hard, I felt my whole body shake and I lost control of my voice…

HEARTBROKEN

When: Thursday, May 8th
Time: 7 to 9pm (GMT+2, Berlin, Germany)
Where: https://www.rosfm.ie/live/

Dear Diary, 

It's almost impssible to type as I'm crying so much, but I just wanted to let you know, I won't be on this radio today. I don't know if and when I'll be on the radio, but it's not today.

It all started when I went to tune in the radio and realized that they were playing some older songs. I thought that was weird because I knew that Ciara (the presenter), would only present new and upcoming…

FIRST TIME ON THE RADIO!

When: Thursday, May 8th
Time: 7 to 9pm (GMT+2, Berlin, Germany)
Where: https://www.rosfm.ie/live/

Dear Diary, 

Being a musician is weird. One day, you think “This will work!” and then the next day you wonder what you're doing with your life. 

Well, this week something will happen that proobably will give me the feeling that I'm the queen for a day or two: It's my first time on the radio! :O

ROSSFM 94.6 is an independent radio in Ireland and on Thursday, May 8th (that's in TWO days!), they…

FIRST BAND PRACTICE

Dear Diary, 

I have some exciting news! I have formed my first band! For now we're still missing a bassist (oh, the irony), but we have an amazing drummer named Alex and of course my dear friend and talented guitarist Tom Random.

We had our first band practice last Sunday and rehearsed How Can I Trust?, Stop Breaking My Heart, How Dare You? and GOLD. It's really cool to see the songs coming alive in a new way when we play together, and I can't wait to be ready to show it to you! 

I'd also…

HEALING TAKES TIME

Dear Diary, 

The last few days have been hard. It's interesting that even though things are good and I'm getting better, performing, and will even be on the radio (!!!) I still fell into a bit of a depression and burn out mix. One of the most annoying triggers from C-PTSD, in my opinion, is the fear of being happy. In my case, it tends to manifest itself physically as well.

If you've known me for a longer time, you know that I used to be bed ridden in my 20s because I had a lot of chronic…

A FULL CIRCLE MOMENT

Dear Diary, 

Back in 2022, I was working as a cleaner and trying to start a music career. I got hired to perform at two beautiful places in Munich: Café Gans am Wasser and Gans Woanders. It was gonna be my first solo performances, but that was around the time that C-PTSD took over completely and I wasn't able to practice, go out, work, anything. I had to focus only on healing for 3 years before trying to perform again…

Now back to the present. Last Saturday I had an open mic performance…

AN UNFORGETABLE OPEN MIC

Dear Diary, 

When I woke up on Sunday, I had no idea what the day had in store for me. 
Imagine this: I get up and start warming up my voice. It’s Open Mic day! Exciting! Right? Wrong.

I try to practice, but my body starts aching and my voice barely comes out. A clear sign that I’m triggered. My body shuts down and I crash. But an hour later, I wake up, get slowly ready, and take an Uber to the venue. 
Two friends show up to support me, and by the time I step on stage, I feel calmer. I…

ADVENTURES IN BERLIN

Dear Diary, 

I'm getting ready to leave the house. The destination? Berlin. The reason? I'm about to go to the German Songwriting Awards. It's been a long time coming. I submitted my songs last year and was very confident that I'd win, but by now I've seen the list of nominees and know I'm not in it. Still, not everything is lost. I got a free ticket to attend the ceremony and can bring a guest.

Feeling more excited than anxious, I leave the house and head on to the train station. I meet…

IT'S TIME. I'M READY.

Dear Diary,

I'm really happy to be where I am today, able to present my latest creation to the world. These last few weeks have been especially challenging, not only for me but for many others as well, and after some time grieving (and freaking out - sorry, Pat!) I've decided I will be light in the darkness. That doesn’t mean that I won’t be sad or grieve what’s going on in the world, it means I will focus on the things I can control, and on continuing to heal myself from C-PTSD. 

I…

(TW: Self H, ED, Su!cide) Two days ago, I had a mental health crisis.

I was first diagnosed with depression at 13, when I tried to take myself out of the picture for the first time. I started therapy and haven't really been able to be without a therapist ever since: every time I tried, things got dramatically worse. At 15, I was diagnosed with Bulimia and Anorexia, and all I wanted was to not exist anymore. This is a thought that accompanies me until today, almost everyday. I've learned to see this as an…

I don't know if it's a German epidemic, but I know SO many people with burnout, it's scary. My inner circle (aka my chosen family) is mostly made of overachieving people-pleasers in recovery, and we all struggle to embrace rest as part of self-care. 

The difference is that I'm the only one in my group who can't work due to health reasons. I've been unable to work since 2022 because of how badly my Complex PTSD and Fibromyalgia got. Cognitive issues, sleep problems, panic attacks, body aches and paralysis…