Sadness is a part of life, yet when it comes we usually run away from it. Few of us actually allow ourselves to cry and feel our emotional pain. We have tons of coping mechanisms, including food, sex, shopping, anti-anxiety medications (and other drugs), binge-watching, gaming, drinking and even working. Anything is better than truly feeling our sad feelings, right?
But what happens once we watch the final episode of that series? Or when we wake up the next morning hungover? Or when we finally stop gaming and go to bed? The sadness is still there. Absolutely nothing has changed, except that if you drank or ate too much or had sex with someone you don’t like, you actually feel guilty, too! In my opinion, distracting is not a good idea. Running away from our feelings isn’t a good idea. One good example of this would be if we were mistreated by our parents when we were kids. We can spend decades ignoring our feelings of sadness, but the problem is that even if you’re 45 years old, if you didn’t feel your sadness when you were a child, the pain of being mistreated feels just as big as it would have felt 40 years ago. And it’s a feeling that keeps creeping up at the worst moments, so we keep distracting ourselves. But because we don’t allow ourselves to truly feel and work through the pain, we actually develop chronic anxiety, depression, panic, stress and everything else that comes with it.
In my experience with emotional pain, the best way to release it is to feel it. Now is when most of you might say “but I AM feeling it, and it sucks and I want it to stop! That’s why I clicked on this link!” But even though the pain of sadness is within you, have you truly allowed yourself to feel it? Sit down and cry. Yell with your head buried in a pillow. Have a tantrum! Sob like a little child until the tears stop on their own. The pain will get better. It will hurt less, and maybe come back after a while, and if you allow yourself to feel it again, it will get even better. With each peak of sadness that we allow ourselves to feel, we heal ourselves more from it.
It’s important however, to be in a safe space when you do this, so you won’t be interrupted or judged by others. I wouldn’t suggest doing this at work, for example. But in the comfort of your home, on your bed or couch, alone or with a trusted person, why not? Even though it feels uncomfortable now, once you’ve dealt with it, you’ll be thankful that you did it.
“The word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”– Carl Jung.