Feeling triggered is the worst. We're out there, having a normal day when suddenly something happens - someone says something, we smell something, see something - and BAM!, our hearts start racing, our mind goes back in time and we can't think clearly anymore. To anyone seeing us having this reaction, it makes no sense. Nothing happened! And yet our pain is real and getting out of a trigger can seem nearly impossible. Since there are enough articles helping us deal with triggers, I won't go there right now. But what if we could change our perspective on triggers altogether?
In the past, whenever I had a trigger I thought "add this to your list - you can't handle this, never try it again!" With time, the list of things I was afraid of became so big I barely left the house. If I did, I wasn't alone. I was afraid of public transportation, going out at night, going out alone, all insects, grass, talking on the phone, having visitors, meeting new people, doctors and hospitals, drinking water that wasn't from my bottle, being called skinny (or fat, or anything, really), I was even afraid of falling in love. From experience, I can tell you that this doesn't work. The more I avoided getting triggered, the more I felt scared and helpless. The more I felt this way, the more I added new triggers to my list. It felt like it would never end!
In 2019, with the help and support from the people who care about me, I learned to tackle my triggers, one at a time. I took the bus for just one stop, just so I could have a good experience associated with it. The next day, I rode it for 2 stops and walked back home. The day after that, I rode it to and from a nearby place. Slowly, it wasn't scary anymore and soon I was back, fearless, riding the subway from one end of the city to the next. The rush and pride I felt was addicting! I decided to keep doing this - grab my list of triggers and tackle them one at a time.
With every trigger that disappeared, I felt more and more confident. Some fears I was able to face alone and would only send a message to a friend saying "I did this today!" and they would be supportive of my growth (for me, friends or a good coach/therapist can make all the difference). The more I did the things I was afraid of (baby steps!), the more my life started to change. Now, I'm not constantly feeling helpless and afraid anymore - yet sometimes, something happens and I get triggered again. Sometimes this happens with triggers that I thought were solved but then find out that they are still there.
At first this used to completely frustrate me. "How can I still be triggered by this? I was fine with this until last week! What's wrong with me that I can't move on?" This kind of thinking didn't help me at all. Not only was I triggered but I felt misunderstood. That's when I realized something: If with every trigger I tackle I feel stronger and prouder of myself, what if I can see triggers as a warning sign? As a new fear to be faced? Instead of seeing it as a burden, what if I can see my triggers as a positive thing? If I'm triggered right now, it means that this fear was unconsciously inside me, tormenting me, all the time. It means the fear was probably making me sick (emotionally or physically) and as soon as I tackle it, I'll be healthier. It's hurting now, but as soon as I can come back to myself, I'll face it and I know I will feel better. And then next time it will be a bit easier.
So now, whenever I get triggered, I take the time for myself. I feel my panic, cry, let it out. I try the many techniques I learned to cope with feeling triggered. If I feel it's getting out of hand, I ask a friend for help. Eventually, the trigger stops. That's the brilliance of feelings - they are never permanent.
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela.